Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
