Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
