if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
