just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
