You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
