i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
