She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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