All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
