The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
