Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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