this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
