I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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