If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
