I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
