hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
