pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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