I'm drive I can fine osifer
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
