I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
