He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
