I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Banned from zoo.
Again?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
