i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
she pinky promised me she was 18
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
