Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
