Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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