angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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