I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
