I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
