His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
