How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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