Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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