So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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