you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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