I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
