Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
