I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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