I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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