buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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