The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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