I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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