I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
