Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Enjoy the penises
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
