I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Holy sore nipples Batman
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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