That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
