Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
