I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
