you're like a bully in the Christmas story
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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