she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My penis needs a shock collar
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
