I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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