Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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