That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
