what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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